Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
