Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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