Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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