Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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