Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
