Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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