I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
