I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
