you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
