what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
