I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
