After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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