I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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