Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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