You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
