I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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