i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
