i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
