Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
