dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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