bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
