she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
