yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
