I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
