11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
