Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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