i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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