sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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