i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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