Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
