He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
