I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
