recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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