Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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