Umm I'm too high to move.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
