We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
