so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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