I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
