My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
