Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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