So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
