Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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