how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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