A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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