I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
