When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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