I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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