ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
