how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
