Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
