can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
