Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
