I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
