She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
