i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
