absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
