Apparently you make a good broom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is Oprah even human
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
